People normally write on their blogs about their achievements. But why not celebrate our wrong days with the readers? After all, my blog is being read only by a few close people and I think one should share both things with their close ones. The days of their joys and the days of their gloom.

It was 13th August 2009. I still remember that day. The day of my CA Final results. As most of my papers didnt go that bad, I knew I would pass atleast. But then there was this new President of the Institute who threatened students by saying let me see how u ppl go through. But i took that comment just as a wake up call for those who are addicted to spoon feeding and coaching centers. Me, as a concept guy, will do better- was my assumption. After all, depending on the result of previous attempts, it was not that tough to stand in 24 out of 100 odd people i felt.

The day came.

I was anxious from atleast 5-6 days before the results day. I went to office on usual time. 10.10 it was. Checked in the computer to see if they have released my fate during those 10 minutes i took from home to my office. No. It was not there. I occupied my seat before the computer. U know when u give such type of exams with crazy results patterns, u also start believing in crazy things. Like a particular PC is a luckier of the lot. I occupied my seat in front of PC and kept pressing F5.

Suddenly the site http://caresults.nic.in flashed "Released" in place of "To be released". I remembered God and entered my number. It is a general human psychology. The thing is, when u expect 100%, 50% never can please u. The same was my condition. The first word i read on that page was "FAIL". Those four letters were going to haunt me like anything in coming months or years may be. My mouth was left open. After a second or two i read another four letter word which said "PASS". MY INSTITUTE declared me pass in one group of four subjects and fail in the other. I didnt knew what to do. I entered another number which was just two numbers ahead of me. It was of Sanjay, my friend and colleague. He passed in both the groups. His total was also excellent. So, I thought I should check his merit. I did. He got some 46/47th rank. Indeed a good news. But then why i failed altogether- i felt in my mind. Anywys, I printed mine and his marksheets. Went to his table. Gave him the news.

Then i moved to another end of the office. To meet Jaimin and Urvi, two of my closest buddies even today. Jaimin also gave exams this time. They already knew the results. Saw their faces. Miss Urvi Joshi, one of the strongest girl i've ever met was about to cry. So was jaimin. Jaimin was depressed for his results and Urvi was depressed for her friends. This was the worst part of the scheme of things. At any given day, I can’t see my friends down. In fact, I cant see anyone down. I don’t know this a good thing or a bad one about me. And this time they were down because of me. What a strange set of friends i've got - i said to myself. Idiots were down for me instead of taking my care. It was reverse. It was me who consolidated Urvi. The buzz spread in office. Everyone was congratulating Sanjay. I was also congratulated but with a question - "What went wrong in second group??" As if i knew the answer. And I was even wondering about the first group. Though I cleared it, the marks were not upto my expectation except in Financial Management.

I hardly before this would have waited so desperately for lunch break in office. I took break 30 minutes earlier. Went home. May be for the first time in my life after my childhood, I cried for more than 5 minutes. And that too with volume. (LOL) I was alone at home. I cried in front of my God for all those odd 90-100 minutes. I do cry but my sobs never had voice before. But today i was crying like a crazy child. I still feel that though all the doors and windows were closed, some of my neighbours must be thinking wht's wrong with our house. But atleast nobody knocked the door to see wht's wrong. So that was fine.

I will really not forget this day of my life. The taste of failure. I take it as a gift my life has given to me. And i firmly believe it has it's own good things to offer. Even while i m writing this after about 500 days of that, I still have not recovered from it. In fact have drowned more into it. And i m still worried about the impact it will have on my career.

But one thing i knw is, all this is my God's wish. And i knw He loves me. He never does wrong to any. In fact He tries to minimize the impact. He loves all.

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